we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
