the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
