It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
