im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
