im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
