Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
my liver is dry heaving
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
