I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
