does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
