Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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