She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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