i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My underwear smells like fireworks.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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