operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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