Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
