a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
