Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
