found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
