Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
