I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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