I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
