i think my mom watched the whole time
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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