PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
