Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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