I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
