dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
