He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
