I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
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