dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
