I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
