he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
