I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
