They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
