I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
