Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize