dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
