Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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