Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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