He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
