I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
