We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
