i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Randomize