It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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