i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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