Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
