Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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