One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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