I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
