Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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