I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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