come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
