Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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