We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
