oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize