i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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