bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
