I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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