clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wish I only lived at night.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
