I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
