too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
