just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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