you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
