Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
