Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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