mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize