Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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