i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
