my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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