i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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