if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just cropdusted the office
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
