I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
