Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
