you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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