I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
