His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
where am i from again
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
