How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Come share oat with me in your robe
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
