ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
