Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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