Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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