How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I met the friendliest cop last night
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
