dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
