what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
