It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
