I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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