I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
