Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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