They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
