After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I don't deserve a penis
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
