your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
