You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
