They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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