K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
