Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize