Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
