Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
and she was petting her beer can
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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