went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
