There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
