hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize