i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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