I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
