So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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