fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
