'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize