I'm jealous of your bromance
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
