just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
