I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
