My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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