So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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