i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize