If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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