like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
