we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
