It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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