This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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