Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
